The kids and I settled in quite quickly to our new place - after all, we're familiar with the people and places, and we fell into a routine. Sydney is attending the preschool that Jacob used to go to before we moved to California, and Jacob picked right up with his second grade class at his new school. Both are doing phenomenally well - even despite the upheaval of moving after beginning the school year in California. Thank God kids are so resilient!
Our next flight was from Buffalo to Arizona to be with Matt's family for Thanksgiving - our annual tradition, no matter what part of the country we're living in. This time, I remembered to fully charge my laptop for movies, brought new coloring books and activities to hold the kids' attention, and everything was going swimmingly! They were being so good.
We were maybe about an hour from landing (after an almost 5 hour flight), and the next thing I know, the passenger sitting in front of Jacob stood up, turned around, whacked Jacob on the head and said something along the lines of, "Stop pushing the back of my seat, you little bastard!"
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Where to begin?!?
Because I've waited so long to update, I'm overwhelmed with all the things I need to catch everyone up on! I suppose I'll start with the flight from LA to Buffalo - especially now that the trauma of the experience has worn off and now I can finally laugh about it...
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Going Home.
So much has happened in the month since I last posted!
The weekend of August 12th, I attended the third annual Camp Widow in San Diego and again, had a fabulous time. It was held at the beautiful Marriott Marquis and Marina, and I was reunited with some of the wonderful friends I made from the first one in 2009, and made even more. I decided not to volunteer this time, and use that weekend for a true vacation. My sister-in-law and her new husband who also live in San Diego kept Jacob and Sydney for the weekend (thank you so much, Brandi and Scott!!). They hung out with their awesome cousins Heather and Trevor, visited with Uncle Greg, got buried in the sand at the beach, climbed on real trains, experienced canoeing for the first time, went for ice cream, attended a festival where they played tug-of-war and other fun games, got body paint, jumped in bounce houses, and in their down time, Sydney played dress up and Jacob's very loose top front tooth came out!
Not long after we returned from San Diego, we went to Buffalo for the second time since our move to California. Getting there was an adventure in itself... We flew from LA to JFK, and were supposed to take a connecting flight from JFK to Buffalo. All flights into Buffalo, Rochester, and the surrounding areas were cancelled due to storms, and there were no flights available until the next day. I ended up driving from JFK to Buffalo. That's the WAY abbreviated version, but someone please remind me to write the full one - it's a cool story!
This trip was much different than the last... Last year when I went back, I didn't really even want to be there. I was scared to death of going back, and while I was there, I wasn't really "there." This time, I could not wait to go back.
When I moved to California, I couldn't get away fast enough. I needed to be far away from everything- the house, the town, the people, the places we went to.... everything. I couldn't continue living the life that Matt and I had together without him there. Since my life had changed so drastically with losing Matt, EVERYTHING needed to change. It might not work for everyone, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I didn't escape the pain of his loss, and it didn't make me miss him less, but it made going about the daily motions more bearable, and allowed the kids and I to have new experiences that we never would have had otherwise being on the opposite coast. The sunshine and warmth was healing, I made wonderful new friends, and was closer in proximity to my brother and Matt's immediate family. Up until maybe six months ago, I didn't even have the capacity yet to miss anyone but Matt, so it was easy to leave.
About a month or so before I went to Buffalo for this most recent trip, I got the crazy idea that I wanted to move back. I don't even know where it came from, but it hit me like a brick and has been an overwhelming pull that I haven't been able to ignore. When it first hit me, I really wondered why I was torturing myself with the thought. I found myself agonizing over the decision. I obsessed over the pros and cons and drove myself completely nuts. At first it was pretty 50/50, but the more I thought about it and was as objective as I could be, it became very clear.
The weekend of August 12th, I attended the third annual Camp Widow in San Diego and again, had a fabulous time. It was held at the beautiful Marriott Marquis and Marina, and I was reunited with some of the wonderful friends I made from the first one in 2009, and made even more. I decided not to volunteer this time, and use that weekend for a true vacation. My sister-in-law and her new husband who also live in San Diego kept Jacob and Sydney for the weekend (thank you so much, Brandi and Scott!!). They hung out with their awesome cousins Heather and Trevor, visited with Uncle Greg, got buried in the sand at the beach, climbed on real trains, experienced canoeing for the first time, went for ice cream, attended a festival where they played tug-of-war and other fun games, got body paint, jumped in bounce houses, and in their down time, Sydney played dress up and Jacob's very loose top front tooth came out!
Not long after we returned from San Diego, we went to Buffalo for the second time since our move to California. Getting there was an adventure in itself... We flew from LA to JFK, and were supposed to take a connecting flight from JFK to Buffalo. All flights into Buffalo, Rochester, and the surrounding areas were cancelled due to storms, and there were no flights available until the next day. I ended up driving from JFK to Buffalo. That's the WAY abbreviated version, but someone please remind me to write the full one - it's a cool story!
This trip was much different than the last... Last year when I went back, I didn't really even want to be there. I was scared to death of going back, and while I was there, I wasn't really "there." This time, I could not wait to go back.
When I moved to California, I couldn't get away fast enough. I needed to be far away from everything- the house, the town, the people, the places we went to.... everything. I couldn't continue living the life that Matt and I had together without him there. Since my life had changed so drastically with losing Matt, EVERYTHING needed to change. It might not work for everyone, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I didn't escape the pain of his loss, and it didn't make me miss him less, but it made going about the daily motions more bearable, and allowed the kids and I to have new experiences that we never would have had otherwise being on the opposite coast. The sunshine and warmth was healing, I made wonderful new friends, and was closer in proximity to my brother and Matt's immediate family. Up until maybe six months ago, I didn't even have the capacity yet to miss anyone but Matt, so it was easy to leave.
About a month or so before I went to Buffalo for this most recent trip, I got the crazy idea that I wanted to move back. I don't even know where it came from, but it hit me like a brick and has been an overwhelming pull that I haven't been able to ignore. When it first hit me, I really wondered why I was torturing myself with the thought. I found myself agonizing over the decision. I obsessed over the pros and cons and drove myself completely nuts. At first it was pretty 50/50, but the more I thought about it and was as objective as I could be, it became very clear.
Friday, August 5, 2011
NEWS FLASH!
I'm gonna break my own rules and be a little political here... (By the way, I LOATHE politics, and I'm not knowledgeable about the stock market, or anything else financial for that matter.)
However, in light of what I've seen the past few years, I've come to a pretty confident conclusion...
CORPORATE AMERICA rules the country - not the government.
A bit of evidence:
http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/breakout/fear-street-inside-stock-sell-off-204130841.html
PS- I have even more evidence, but I'm keeping my mouth shut - for now.
However, in light of what I've seen the past few years, I've come to a pretty confident conclusion...
CORPORATE AMERICA rules the country - not the government.
A bit of evidence:
http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/breakout/fear-street-inside-stock-sell-off-204130841.html
PS- I have even more evidence, but I'm keeping my mouth shut - for now.
Daddy's Bike
The past few days, I've been on a cleaning binge. Everything has been looking filthy to me, and lately I've had the energy to do something about it. Yesterday, I finally washed the van (inside and out), and decided while we were at it to wash all of our bikes.
Matt's BMX bike hasn't been washed since he last rode it in 2008. Sounds crazy, but I just wasn't ready to wash the dirt off of it that he put on it. Dirt that came from where we used to live together. It was the bike he rode around the yard and driveway with Jacob. He had sold his mountain bike (much to my surprise) not too long before his accident because he knew with his new job he wouldn't have the time to ride like he used to, plus when he did have the time, the local trails were usually too sloppy from rain to ride on. His road bike went to his dad who has put it to good use.
I decided to finally wash his bike - he never would have let it stay that dirty. It's been ridden by my brother and me, and I'd like to keep it in the condition that Matt would have - especially since Jacob will enjoy riding it someday.
When I started washing his bike, Sydney came over and asked if she could help wash Daddy's bike, and also so I wasn't doing it alone. My barely four year old, sensitive, insightful, sweet daughter came up with that on her own. Jacob joined us, and the three of us lovingly washed Matt's bike together.
Matt's BMX bike hasn't been washed since he last rode it in 2008. Sounds crazy, but I just wasn't ready to wash the dirt off of it that he put on it. Dirt that came from where we used to live together. It was the bike he rode around the yard and driveway with Jacob. He had sold his mountain bike (much to my surprise) not too long before his accident because he knew with his new job he wouldn't have the time to ride like he used to, plus when he did have the time, the local trails were usually too sloppy from rain to ride on. His road bike went to his dad who has put it to good use.
I decided to finally wash his bike - he never would have let it stay that dirty. It's been ridden by my brother and me, and I'd like to keep it in the condition that Matt would have - especially since Jacob will enjoy riding it someday.
When I started washing his bike, Sydney came over and asked if she could help wash Daddy's bike, and also so I wasn't doing it alone. My barely four year old, sensitive, insightful, sweet daughter came up with that on her own. Jacob joined us, and the three of us lovingly washed Matt's bike together.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Summer Fun 2011
Wow - I can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted! We've been pretty busy...
I got to be a grown-up and go see fireworks with a few friends for the Fourth of July (actually on the 1st), then the kids and I traveled to San Diego to be with the Rows for that week which is always such a great time! At the end of our visit, we all drove up to Six Flags Magic Mountain for another day of fun before heading home.
Matt's birthday was on July 11, and the kids and I celebrated his life in our usual way by getting an ice cream cake (his favorite), and the kids also wanted to get him flowers.
Jacob, Sydney and I headed out on July 16 for our first real road trip... I had decided the month before we were going to travel up to Northern California to visit friends and explore our new state, but I'd been so busy right up until the last minute that I didn't have much time to make very detailed plans, so we kind of winged it and it evolved as it went along. It probably ended up better that way than if I had planned out every little detail!
I got to be a grown-up and go see fireworks with a few friends for the Fourth of July (actually on the 1st), then the kids and I traveled to San Diego to be with the Rows for that week which is always such a great time! At the end of our visit, we all drove up to Six Flags Magic Mountain for another day of fun before heading home.
Matt's birthday was on July 11, and the kids and I celebrated his life in our usual way by getting an ice cream cake (his favorite), and the kids also wanted to get him flowers.
Jacob, Sydney and I headed out on July 16 for our first real road trip... I had decided the month before we were going to travel up to Northern California to visit friends and explore our new state, but I'd been so busy right up until the last minute that I didn't have much time to make very detailed plans, so we kind of winged it and it evolved as it went along. It probably ended up better that way than if I had planned out every little detail!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
An update, and then some...
Well, the good news is, since Jacob has played that CD about 563 more times since my last post, I'm beginning to become desensitized to it, and starting to form new associations to the music - for instance, both kids singing along together. Bittersweet...
I love my sister so much. I texted her a few days ago to ask her if she still has her old phone since Verizon is charging us for not returning it, and fortunately she does. I called her today to share my victories in organizing my house with her, and she said that one of the first thoughts she had when she got my text about the phone was that I'm making progress because I'm actually looking at my bills!!! Hahaha!! She knows me better than anyone in this world.
For some reason, when someone is going through a difficult emotional time (I learned recently that this isn't just associated with a loss, but with a major funk of any kind), the bills seem to be the first thing that suffers. I don't know why, but it seems like any incoming mail (good or bad) ends up in piles and pushed aside. Bills or not, there the piles sit... It takes almost everything you've got to build up the gumption to sit down and open up the envelopes and deal with their contents. It's only very recently that I've started (mostly) keeping up with the mail that comes in. For some reason, the same applies to outgoing mail - that's even harder for some reason. I know I owe a million people thank-you's for a million different things, birthday cards, etc..... My apologies to everyone. I've thought about it LOTS, so if it's truly the thought that counts, then I might be in the clear.
My sister recognized the fact that I not only must have opened the Verizon bill, but actually LOOKED at it and am even questioning it! For her to "get" that was so amazing to me. It even opened up my eyes to see that I'm making more progress than I even thought! Thank you, Michelle!!!!
I've been living in California now for almost two years - it's only been two and a half since Matt's death - and it seems I might FINALLY be getting settled. Even though I may have made it "look" like I had it together shortly after we arrived, it's taken me this long.
And I'll let you in on a little secret.... There are probably lots of books, articles, etc. out there with tips and tricks for getting organized, but I had a simple revelation recently that put it all into perspective (and you're getting it here for free - he he):
I love my sister so much. I texted her a few days ago to ask her if she still has her old phone since Verizon is charging us for not returning it, and fortunately she does. I called her today to share my victories in organizing my house with her, and she said that one of the first thoughts she had when she got my text about the phone was that I'm making progress because I'm actually looking at my bills!!! Hahaha!! She knows me better than anyone in this world.
For some reason, when someone is going through a difficult emotional time (I learned recently that this isn't just associated with a loss, but with a major funk of any kind), the bills seem to be the first thing that suffers. I don't know why, but it seems like any incoming mail (good or bad) ends up in piles and pushed aside. Bills or not, there the piles sit... It takes almost everything you've got to build up the gumption to sit down and open up the envelopes and deal with their contents. It's only very recently that I've started (mostly) keeping up with the mail that comes in. For some reason, the same applies to outgoing mail - that's even harder for some reason. I know I owe a million people thank-you's for a million different things, birthday cards, etc..... My apologies to everyone. I've thought about it LOTS, so if it's truly the thought that counts, then I might be in the clear.
My sister recognized the fact that I not only must have opened the Verizon bill, but actually LOOKED at it and am even questioning it! For her to "get" that was so amazing to me. It even opened up my eyes to see that I'm making more progress than I even thought! Thank you, Michelle!!!!
I've been living in California now for almost two years - it's only been two and a half since Matt's death - and it seems I might FINALLY be getting settled. Even though I may have made it "look" like I had it together shortly after we arrived, it's taken me this long.
And I'll let you in on a little secret.... There are probably lots of books, articles, etc. out there with tips and tricks for getting organized, but I had a simple revelation recently that put it all into perspective (and you're getting it here for free - he he):
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